Dear J.

Even though I know you’ll never read this, or even know it’s directed towards you if you do come across it, there are so many things I never got to say to you before you broke my heart three years ago.  I need to do this so I can move on, just as you have done yourself.

First off, I regret I never told you I loved you.  I don’t know if that would have changed anything, or if it would have just made things worse, but I fell in love with you.  You were the first person I could ever picture standing at the other end of the aisle waiting for me to walk down it.

You were the first person I could ever see having a family with.  I dreamed up a whole future for us and when you shattered my heart, you shattered everything.  I was left empty, alone, and floating in nothingness when you left me.

Secondly.  I wish I could have told you how much you helped me heal from my past.  I believe you only got a glimmer of how much you radically changed my life and my beliefs.  You challenged me, you made me stronger.  You showed me my worth as a human being.  You changed my thought processes and how I changed my view of my life.  You showed me how life could really be.

I guess what I really wanted to say was thank you.  Thank you for being in my life when I needed you the most.  Thank you for everything you taught me.  Yes, I even thank you for breaking my heart.

Three years later, my perspective has changed.  My dreams have changed.  My future has changed.  I healed, though the scars still show.  I have finally stopped bleeding.  I’m stronger because of what you did, both good and bad.  You healed me and then broke me, but because of that, I am better and stronger than before.  I’m independent, caring, loving, tolerant, hopeful, and happy.

I still think of you often, but I think of you in warm regards and I hope we meet again one day.  I am grateful that you have moved on as well, and I hope the woman you are now with is everything you need her to be.

Thank you, J. for everything you have done.  Both good and bad, they made me into who I am today, and for the first time in all of my life, I truly love who I came to be.  I wish you all the best in your future, I wish you happiness, and a love stronger and bigger than I could have given you.  You deserve the world and I hope you get it.