Dear J,
Your first kiss, your first girlfriend, your first love and your best friend for two years. I really did love you. Even when you disappointed me every day. I still loved you when you went to that baseball game instead of staying with me after my dog and horse died. I still loved you, J, even when you told me that our futures probably didn’t include each other. I loved you when you held my hand for the first time, and when you held it for the last. I loved you when I just wanted you to be there for me, and you said tou couldn’t every single time.

And I think that’s the best part.

I loved you so much. Yet, in every memory I remember about you and me, I can’t find one that lacks that disappointment. When I wanted you to call me, and you never would. When I asked for the little things that were too much for you. Every single time…. I lost a little bit of that love for you; but I still loved you, J.

And I think thats the best part.

That’s why this wasn’t so hard.

Why breaking up feelings like ripping off a bandaid, hurting for a second until the relief slips in. Just know this.
I really did love you, J. But I didn’t lose someone who was in love with my quirky side or my affinity with books. I didn’t lose that much, J. But you lost someone who truly loved you. And I’m sorry for the day you realize that.

–A