Our journey

Our journey

Our journey

LTME-postSo I met her while I was sophomore in high school, and she was a freshman. We initially met through a mutual friend whom was trying to hook us up. So we “dated” but it was not a serious thing. I’m not really sure what happened, but I don’t remember anything else after about one or two conversations her and I had. Two years later we had met for what we could recall was the first time. Both of completely for all about that little awkward thing from back in 2011. I was in complete shock. I’d never seen a girl that I instantly felt so connected to, not to mention how gorgeous I thought she was. Slowly things started to form. We would text all the time, and I was loving this. She had a son that she’d had from a pervious relationship, and was also pregnant with her second little boy from that same relationship. I didn’t mind, I’m not one to cast judgement. In this relationship her and I had I will admit I fell for her way to hard and way to fast. People couldn’t understand why I was dating her, and they all insisted that her intentions may not be what I was hoping for. Me being me I didn’t care what anyone thought I was so caught up on her, always texting her, checking on her. I remember this one time me and a couple of my family members were hanging out and decided to go see a movie and the whole damn time the moving was playing I was to busy texting her to even be paying attention. Of course things weren’t completely easy between us her being a mom of one and soon two. I stood by her as much as she would let and there were moments where it felt like she was pushing me away and I fighting to stay. Moments where she wanted to just give up, but I never did. I never ever gave up on her I was invested in her and her love and our children. I loved them! And when I said I loved them I meant it! Some months past and she became to stressed, so we took a break. Yeah I break, usually breaks mean something way worse but in this case it was exactly what it means. She made me wait, she knew I wanted her but she made me wait until our son was born for us to work on things and get back together. When that day came and our baby was born. Even after all this people still didn’t think it was a relationship worth all that time I spent investing in but by then I really didn’t give a shit what anyone thought. I loved her she loved me and it was just that simple for me. I wanted to be there for her and be there with her but I didn’t want to intrude I mean the babies father obviously wanted to see him, and of course his family and her family wanted to see him and her so I held off. I held off for to long, I never went and saw her probably because in the back of my mind I felt like I really wasn’t good enough for her, or that I didn’t look good enough for her and that she could and deserved way better than me. I remember that day I saw her, my heart dropped I couldn’t even talk to her! Later in I just kept thinking to myself “you damn idiot.” I knew what I should’ve done. Months passed and I was watching her and our babies grow up so fast. It seems like I blinked and little man was already one. I wanted so bad to be there I really did but I let fear take over my life. Well like all good things in my life our relationship came to an end but we remained friends and that was fine for me because she had been my absolute best friend for all this time anyway! So like any other girl, I “moved on” or so I say I did. I dated other people, she dated other people. Life went on, life became normal for me again. It took a while because I did and do love her. But one day she met someone.. yeah she met someone she instantly connected with someone who was willing to love her and all that comes with her. Not sure he loves her as much as I do but she loved him and that’s all that mattered. That’s when I knew she had found everything she had been searching for. They were together and I’m pretty sure I was with someone else. She was still my best friend though, and nothing could ever change that. After they got together “our kids” turned into “her kids” and I knew it must of been serious cause even with the children’s father she never said that to me. I guess I was “secretly jealous” but apparently to all of my friends it was the most obvious thing. I learned to deal with it to best way I could. Some days I found myself still flirting with her, still trying to be there for her no matter what. I know she knew that I loved her but I’m not sure she fully understood just how much. She would be so excited to tell me things about their relationship and I was so happy for her, even if I felt numb inside. The children were growing up so fast I could barely keep up. I had a lot going on in my life at the time. I had been told for the very first time that I was expecting my first god daughter! Talking about excited. I’d never had a god daughter before but I was determined she was going to have a great life. She was born I spent most of my time with my god daughter when I held her I never wanted to let her go! I had to share my excitement with my best friend so your damn right I was texting her. One day we decided to go to the mall and buy little princess some shoes and clothes. As me and my god daughters dad we’re headed out side to smoke a cigarette there she was.. I thought maybe I was imagining things but no it was really her. I was talking to my cousin the whole damn time. I was like is she coming over here? What do I say? Is she going to say anything? Of course she was with her boyfriend but if she was going to talk to be I wasn’t going to let him being there stop me from talking to her. She talked to me and the whole time I was more nervous than anything had ever made me. After they walked off to do what they had came to mall for my cousin kept teasing me about how nervous was but I could hardly hear her over all the things that were floating around in my mind, memories and all. I couldn’t stop texting her, I thought maybe I wasn’t “over her” thinking back now I should’ve known better than thinking that. Man I can still see her in the back of my mind. She was gorgeous like always. But now she’s had her third child, and has married the man of her dreams and is currently pregnant with her fourth child. We’re still friends but not like before. I feel like the she gets so stressed out with her life that it causes her to push me away but like always I’m fighting to be here for her! She’s still my best friend even if I’m not hers. She should know by now that she’ll always be my best friend no matter what happens. I still love seeing the boys, every chance I get I see them. They have now became the loves of my life, along with my god daughter and my newest god son who’s now one years old. I know there’s things she wish she could’ve done differently, things she wished she would’ve said, things I wish I would’ve said but now we’re both pretty damn happy.

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