It’s taken me almost a year to write this letter. If I had done it before, then it would not have been real, and you deserve something real. It wouldn’t have been real because right after you walked away, I had no nice, forgiving, or constructive things to say. Placing blame, excuses, begging, and pleading would not have helped anyone. I can admit that I hurt you. And for that I am sorry. Your reason for wanting to go your separate way was very valid. When we met I was not in a good and healthy place emotionally. I knew this, and yet I started something with you for selfish reasons. That was very very wrong. I was just so happy when I was with you, that I didn’t stop to think if I was emotionally able to give you what you wanted or needed. That was not fair, wise, or kind. You were always very good to me. You tried your hardest to make me feel beautiful, even when I was doing such ugly things. That takes a very secure, strong, and kind man. And you are all of these things. I am now a stronger, kinder, loving, and more confident woman. But I am not perfect. As people I believe we are always working toward our better selves. I want to thank you for your kindness, love, support, and self sacrifice. I truly regret how badly I hurt you and your friends. I DO NOT regret the good times we shared. I think of them now and can smile. I hope that sometime you can do the same. It ended so badly, but I think everything ends badly in some way or else it wouldn’t end. Right now I am still working on me. I’m trying to become a better person, be a friend that a friend would like to have. I can understand how it felt for you to be kind and trusting of me, and to not have it returned. You deserved and still do deserve a respectful, supportive, understanding, and loyal woman. And I hope that you find that. I also hope that one day we can be friends, and if not that’s okay. I still miss you, and your smile, and the scar in your eyebrow that I loved to run my thumb over. I miss being able to talk to you when it was late and I couldn’t sleep. I miss making you laugh, and knowing that I could bring happiness to you when you were down. And I hope that you are happy, and enjoying life and all it has to offer. Thank you for all the great times, the laughs, the late night, and all the memories. I will not forget them. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life. And thank you for being a part of mine.
What I should have done for you