To my first love

To my first love

To my first love

LTME-postI have written other letters here for my other ex who came into my life after you . It’s the first time I write a letter about you specifically because I could never bring myself to do it , too much pain but today I am ready. I can’t even say hello to you , because I am just realizing how angry I still am after all these years. You are the worst , I was so young when I met you , you are my first love , as much as I hate that you have that title , but it’s the truth . I really loved you and the moment I said those words to you at some point in our situation because I can’t even called that a relationship all hell broke loose. It was more of a game to you , you hurt me , you belittled me at every chance , and took advantage of the fact that I was naive , I didn’t have any relationship experience , I was a young innocent girl that wanted to fall in love for the first time. You would hurt me to make your self feel better. You made me feel horrible about myself , destroyed my self esteem. We had a toxic relationship . You were the narcissist and I was the co dependent. I was needy and clingy. You were always cheating on me and I loved you too much to let you go , not realizing I was putting my health at risk but thank god nothing ever happened to me because god protected me. I was faithful to you , the more you would hurt me the more I would cling to you. We argued all the time, you made me feel crazy. You left me when I needed you the most , now being older now I learned about self love , to forgive myself for not listening to my intuition , to have compassion for myself because I did not know any better and made decisions based upon the level of knowledge and experience I had at the time. You hurt me to my core , drained me and left me empty on that fateful day. But today I want to say I forgive you , I forgive not for you but for me , so I can let go of this pain , anger, bitterness that I thought was healed but now see that it wasn’t. I pray that god forgives you , because I have to feel compassion for you , you are a miserable soul that is bitter and doesn’t know how love and chooses to hurt women instead. I want you to stop showing up in my dreams , I know you believe I still love you , well I do not love you anymore, I stopped loving you a long time ago and the day I realized that I finally felt liberated , it’s like I was released from a prison and a huge weight came off my shoulders. It’s the new year and I do not want this negativity in my heart , mind and soul. I want healing; healing in mind body and spirit. I thank you for all lessons you taught me , because god put you in my life for a reason. May god bless your soul , I let you go J , I release all the pain, emotional trauma that you have inflicted upon me and all negative emotions and invite love and light, positive energy, healing in its place. I am so happy for this new year , I can’t wait for all the beautiful things I know are coming into my life. I love myself now and I realized how blessed I am.

-Sasha

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