What I want to say but probably never could

Posted by Bella in letters, What I wish I'd told you

LTME-post R
YOU ARE HAPPY NOW . I CAN SEE IT WHEN WE RUN INTO EACH OTHER AND ALL I ET IS A STARE DOWN FROM HER . BUT A LOOK AT YOU ,YOU ARE A DIFFERENT PERSON .YOUR HAPPINESS WAS AT A COST
OF MY HEART

YOU WILL NEVER KNOW THE PAIN THAT I FELT THE MOMENT I SAW YOUR PICTURE YOU POSTED MERELY A DAY AFTER OFFICIALLY LEAVING ME … A PHOTO OF THE TWO OF YOU STATING YOU HAVE MET THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE ..
YOU WILL NEVER KNOW THE PAIN I FELT WHEN I STARTED TO THINK HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN LOVING HER WHILE LIVING WITH ME .. PROMISING ME THE WORLD AND PRETENDING THAT WHAT WE HAD WAS REAL .

WHEN YOU WHERE WITH HER , DID YOU THINK OF ME ?
WHEN YOU LIED TO ME ABOUT WHERE YOU BEEN , DID YOU FEEL GUILTY ?
WHEN YOU KEPT ME ON A LINE ,AFTER I ASKED YOU JUST TO TELL ME WHATS GOIN ON AND RATHER JUST LEAVE ME IF YOUR NOT HAPPY DID YOU HAVE ANY LOVE LEFT FOR ME ?

1 YEAR LATER .. I STILL SHAKE WHEN I SEE YOU .. I GET NERVOUS WHEN I JUST SEE YOUR CAR . MY HEART THATS SHATTERED STILL BEATS FAST WHEN I JUST HEAR YOUR NAME . I WISH YOU COULD FEEL HOW IT FEELS TO LOVE SOMEONE THAT YOU WOULD GIVE YOUR WORLD TO THEM , JUST TO BE LEFT FOR SOMEONE ELSE .TO BE TROWN AWAY LIKE YOU MEANT NOTHING … I WISH YOU COULD FEEL REGRET … I WISH YOU COULD EVEN FEEL HALF MY PAIN I FELT … MOST OF ALL I WISH YOU COULD MISS ME .. I MISS ME TOO ….
YOU TOOK ALL MY LOVE AND NOW I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE .
YOU WHERE SELFISH AND INCONSIDERATE
AND I WILL FOREVER HATE YOU FOR THAT
I WIAH YOU JUST LEFT ME WHEN YOU STARTED TALKING TO HER
MAYBE I WOULD HAVE HAD A LITTLE LOVE TO GIVE TO SOMEONE ELSE BUT NO YOU TOOK IT ALL AND TREW IT AWAY
YOU WILL NEVER HEAR THIS AND WILL PROBABLY NEVER MATTER TO YOU
I LOVE YOU
I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU I WILL ALWAYS MISS YOU BUT I WILL FOREVER HATE YOU
AND FOREVER BE THANKFUL
I RAN INTO YOU IN A GROCERY STORE .. YOU ASKED FOR A COFFEE AND AT THAT MOMENT I SHOULD HAVE SAID NO
BUT I SAID YES …
AND I LOST ALL OF ME TO YOU .. YOU COULD KISS ME AND I FELL INTO A NOTHER WORLD .. LIKE EVERYTHING STOOD STILL MOMENT OUR LIPS TOUCHED
YOUR HANDS TOUCHED ME AND I WOULD GET WEAK IN MY KNEES
YOUR EYES MET MINE AND MY STOMACH WOULD BE BUTTERFLIES AND I WOULD HAVE A MINER HEART ATTACK

EVERY KISS
EVERY TOUCH EVERY MONET SHARE WE LOST WHEN YOU HAD THOSE MOMENTS WITH HER

I HOPE YOU WILL FEEL MY PAIN ONE DAY OR JUST MAYBE KNOW WHAT I FELT .. STILL FEEL

FOREVER IN LOVE

About Bella

3 Comments

Jen 6 years ago
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You deserve so much better than the way you were treated. I hope you find a way to free your heart from somebody that didn’t deserve it. I think you are very brave to have posted this letter. Continue to be strong and pour all that love into yourself. Love yourself fiercely.
Bismarck 6 years ago
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Pertaining to some values of companionship, I could definitely relate and acknowledge things a qualities I have felt on both ends of this blog. Some things made me learn and some grow. Two different things. And the other lost emotions of pain that hadn’t been relieved so keep living.
Ed 6 years ago
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I love this bit “YOU COULD KISS ME AND I FELL INTO A NOTHER WORLD .. LIKE EVERYTHING STOOD STILL MOMENT OUR LIPS TOUCHED
YOUR HANDS TOUCHED ME AND I WOULD GET WEAK IN MY KNEES
YOUR EYES MET MINE AND MY STOMACH WOULD BE BUTTERFLIES AND I WOULD HAVE A MINER HEART Attack”
I remember the the kiss bit, and the butterflies, but I had almost forgotten the heart attack bit. Thank you for reminding me.
I’m afraid to say it sounds like true love. So much more than regular love. I don’t think everyone gets to feel true love. some people get close and think that’s it,But it’s not. God what I wouldn’t give to feel that again.