I miss you, or at least who I thought you were

I miss you, or at least who I thought you were

I miss you, or at least who I thought you were

You hate me. And I don’t know why. YOU broke up with me. You don’t want to see me and you don’t want to say a word to me, wishing I vanished from this planet. For me, I was on the edge of moving on until you came back, and then even before we got to talk face to face you changed your mind and started hating me again. If you see this letter you won’t give a shit and laugh about it. It is difficult for me to move on when I don’t understand why you hate me so much, I have apologized a thousand times for being jealous and insecure about myself. I am struggling so bad, cause I’m trying to analyze what I did wrong to you, last time I really saw you was when I told you I was pregnant, you were not there for me then, I did the abortion without you cause you stopped talking to me.

To the core of my bones I wish I could hate you and stop caring, but everytime I get close to this, I either dream about you or some other reminder comes up. You were the best thing that walked into my life, but also you have brought me the greatest pain and betrayal I have ever felt. Yes I know you think I am a drama queen and you don’t believe I have changed at all, which really upsets me because I haven’t done anything but to change for the better. And sure, I guess I can thank you for bringing a change in my life. Honestly, I don’t really care about getting you back as a boyfriend, I just wish you could stop being selfish and talk to me about it all, cause I… I dont know, it’s just really fucking difficult!! I don’t understand why we cant be friends, you have a delusional idea about who I am. If you would sit down and talk to me, you would see that I have changed. There are no words to truly express my thoughts or feelings… I want to find love, but you are holding back my chances because there is no closure between us! I want you to be happy, but god damn it, I want to be happy too… You know what we had was amazing and our problems were very tiny, fixable things. I dont expect anything from this… At the end of the day, you will still hate me and I will still be the idiot waiting for an apology  or conversation. I miss you, or at least who I thought you were.


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