I would’ve never in a million years thought that we’d become what we are now. When we first met, I never thought I’d fall madly in love with you. I would’ve never looked at you as my first true love. But, within time, after going over some obstacles, you became that. We became one. We were THE couple. We were the only couple amongst our group of friends. And now, after two years of being inseparable, with a blink of an eye, you’re gone. It’s so surreal.
We are both naturally very sad people, almost miserable in our own skins. You have your reasons, and I have mine. But, when we were together, that immense sadness that lied within our separate entities, cancelled each other out. And there we were, living in our mutual euphoric ecstasy, brought upon the powerful love and passion that we had for one another. But, sometimes, love, even the kind of deep and hypnotizing love we had, and still have for one another, isn’t enough.
I guess we both got too comfortable with one another, thus limiting our expectations. We took advantage of what we shared, and fell into a dull routine. It’s almost as if we were an old married couple. We grew apart, and the happiness that fueled my soul once seemed like an ancient memory. But I could still taste it in the back of my throat.
I know that I’m nothing far from complicated and problematic, and the same goes for you. And although we are so much a like in that regard, we are also very different. We’re complicated in different ways. I didn’t listen enough. I took advantage. And you did, too.
Our last night together was all over the place. I was cold, because I had heard some rumors about you and some other girl. But, you know how to suck me in. Sex that night was the most beautiful sex I have ever had. I’ve never in my life felt like I was making love more than that night. I don’t think you noticed, but I had to wipe a few tears away. And I know you felt the same. Maybe because we both knew what was coming.
That next morning, I knew what had to be done. And so did you. And as we cried in each others arms, I felt like my world crumbling before my eyes, yet I did nothing to stop it. It was too late for that. We embraced each other with so much miserable love. Miserable because everything had changed, and we were coming to an end. I could feel that in your limbs, in your fingers and the danced across my arm, in your tears as they landed on my cheek. And then I watched you walk away from my bathroom window. I could hear your sniffles.
And now, as I lay in my bed, I can still feel your presence. I can still feel your limbs wrapped around mine. I can still feel your fingers dancing across my bare back.
Maybe in a distant or near future, after you get your shit together, and you’re happier with yourself, we will reunite. We’ve let each other go before, but this time it’s harder. Too many years built into memories. I love you, D