I can remember a time when I thought you would always be a part of my life. You were my best friend for so long, and the first person to really get who I was. I gave up so much to be with you, as you know. You know who I left behind to be with you, and how upset I was. But in the end you were worth it.I don’t regret the time I spent with you. You are one of the most amazing people I have ever met. You are the only friend I have ever had who I can truly say is smarter than me. I’ve always believed you can do anything you want to in life. You just need to find what it is. I couldn’t find it for you. I couldn’t tell you what to do with your life. You are your own person and I couldn’t take responsibility for your life. I couldn’t let you choose to do everything for me. You need to find a path for yourself on your own. I would have supported you on that path, I still do support you in whatever you choose to do. But I couldn’t choose it for you. And I couldn’t give up my choices in life to stay with you.
You know how much I loved you. I showed you in as many ways I could. All the things I made you, the letters I wrote, the things I wanted to do with you. That’s one thing I regret now. All those things I wrote down for us to do together. They were all things I wanted to do, and bring you along. I never realised there wasn’t any things you wanted to do with me. I was trying to plan my life and bring you along with me. I don’t think it was ever going to work like that. I know you loved me. Maybe part of you still does. I know I still love you. But I wasn’t in love with you any more. I was becoming less and less a part of your life. And you weren’t moving with me. I wasn’t still the 18 year old you fell in love with. But you were still thinking I was, remembering how I was when we were still in school, and not knowing how I am now. We needed time, proper time together, to communicate and grow together. But all the changing was happening when you lived somewhere else. The relationship wasn’t keeping up.
I know you had to leave me, I know you had to go. I know where I am wasn’t right for you, or at least the course you were on wasn’t right. And I’m glad I supported you through that. Part of me feels guilty. Part of me thinks you chose to do that degree because I suggested it. But I know really it was down to you. You choose what to do, where to apply. YOu had the same opportunities to research and decide what to do as I did. I know you were young. We both were. I look back and smile at how young we were. And gosh I loved you. I don’t think I will ever feel the same again. You stole my heart. I couldn’t think straight. It was so crazy. You know I would do anything for you.
I still remember the moment I left you. It still makes me cry. I think that was the worst day of my life. That was the end of one stage of my life. And of yours. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I’m so sorry I’m not there now. I’m sorry we never got to build a future together. I’m sorry I broke the promises I made. I never ever thought it would happen. I really hope you’re ok now. I hope you don’t hate me. I hope you find someone to love and to love you back the way you deserve. I hope you understand me a bit better now. I hope you find your happiness. I hope you know I’m still here if you ever need me. I will love you til the day I die. You are a part of me and you made me who I am today. I hope I made your life better for those 5 year I was a major part of it. I wish you all the best in the future.
Lots of Love as always,