So basically i just want to get it all out there. There was so much i never told you because i was so afraid of your reaction, that you’d think i was stupid and you’d criticise me. I never felt good enough for you, honestly it’s cliche but i didn’t, i never felt you wanted me and my god i loved you i loved you i did but i didn’t know and i didn’t know why you didn’t want to see me, and why you were mean to me( you made me feel like shit) i felt so down and lost. Everything was on your terms, because i let it be.
I loved you C, i did, i never told you though because you disappointed me so much , you lifted my heart and then broke it, why should you know you ever had it?? WHY WHY didn’t you try!! I just don’t understand even now, you loved me but you never texted me or asked me how my day was, you said you cared when i made an issue, but you didn’t- i didn’t see you for 3 weeks, we didn’t talk, text anything, thats not okay, don’t you understand i missed you, i would have done anything for you, i opened up my heart so much and you just dropped it and didn’t even car, i was just a symbol to you. i just couldn’t understand why you didn’t want me and it hurts so much, i try to move on with someone else and they hurt me aswell and i can’t deal with it because they don’t care about me, and it reminds me that you didn’t care when i thought we had a promise you would and i don’t understand why? each time i try i cry my eyes out C.
The caring you, the beautiful you in the first couple of months, god i knew how easily i could love you then, so easily., you made me feel and understand what it was to be special and beautiful,so i knew you could do it, but after a couple of months you never tried to make me feel like that again, and though i broke it off, really you left me months before.
You once told me you loved me, and i never said it back to you. Thats may sound harsh as i did love you, but thats it abstract. In detail, you told me you loved me when you were high and had just asked to take my virginity, to which i said no. I was so hurt C, so hurt that you who i’m pretty sure i loved ( i say pretty sure as i’ve never loved another) would tell me they loved me in a way which seemed the only reason for saying it was to make me have sex with you. I loved you and you broke me.
Now i know you’ve got a new girlfriend and you are so entitled to, but it still makes me sad C. Does she get the beautiful you? And do you know if you had of told me you still wanted me once, if you had of “said Ki, i’m sorry, i still want to be your boyfriend” anything that simple i would have stayed in a second- do you not know that?
So C, if you had of communicated to me, not criticised me, hugged me, soothed me, not lied to me, bothered about me over drugs and how cool your “friends” thought you looked, and if simply you’d have asked me to stay with you
God i would have, and why you didn’t was your fault, i know i’m better off without you, it’s just it sometimes doesn’t seem that way…love you C xxx