Dear Ryan,
I know we ended so long ago but I left so much unsaid. I was always so scared of you and never got the chance to tell you exactly how I felt but I feel like now I’m ready to face you. Maybe it’s the fact that in less than 2 hours it will be 2016 and I don’t want to go into another new year burdened by everything you put me through. It’s time for me to tell you exactly how I feel and then I can finally let everything go. First of all, thank you. That may seem weird considering everything that you put me through but I truly mean it, you taught me so much. You taught me what true love ISN’T. You taught me to never be fooled by the things people say because even though you told me every day that you loved me you never actually did. Not only did you teach me so much, because of you I met some of the most important people in my life. Had it not been for your verbal abuse I would’ve never started therapy and I would’ve never met Trish and I would probably have killed myself a long time ago.
Next, I would like to say a big FUCK YOU! You taught me so much but you also ruined me more than I thought anyone ever could. You were the first person I was ever in a serious relationship with and our relationship is most definitely not one that I’d like to be comparing all my new relationships to. I trusted you so much and you ruined me for every other person I will ever date, I will never be able to trust fully again because of the what you did to me.
Hey, Ry do you remember 2 years ago right after I found out my grandpa had brain cancer? I was so vulnerable and helpless and you knew that, you came in and took advantage of it. Then when I told you that I appreciated you being there and supporting me but that there was no chance we would ever be getting back together and you got super pissed off at me. After that on my 16th birthday you told me “I hope your grandpa dies.” Well, you don’t know this because after all of that I blocked you on EVERYTHING but, my grandpa died exactly a week after that. You knew how much he meant to me and how important it was to me that he got better and that I would get at least a couple more years with him but you went and said something so cruel just because I said I wouldn’t date you.
I forgive you Ryan, I really do, because I know how sad and insecure you must be with yourself to actually say that to me and do the things you did to me. I forgive you for every mean thing you’ve ever said to me, every mean name you called me, every time you hit me then told me it was my fault I made you so mad. I forgive you for every time you told me to kill myself. I forgive you for every time you told me you loved me when you never really did. I forgive you, we will never be friends again we will never be anything again but I want you to know I forgive you.
I don’t hate you. As much as everyone tells me I should hate you and as much as all my family and friends hate you, I don’t. If I hated you that would mean I ‘d have to actually care about you, and I don’t.
Thank you for everything you taught me about myself and for all the people I met because of you. Fuck you for ruining me in many ways. But, I forgive you.
Sincerely,
Shelby
6 Comments
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There was no need to publicly air our private business online. This was so petty and shitty of you to do. Do not blame your need for therapy on me, you’re fucked yo and it has absolutely nothing to do with anything I said to you when we were dating. Yes, I hit you a couple of times when we were together but I never would’ve touched you if you hadn’t made me so mad all the time. Me saying that I hoped your grandpa would die didn’t kill him. I obviously didn’t mean any of it because I only said it after you’d made me mad! And I only told you to kill yourself a couple of times and I apologized every time so stop being so dramatic.
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“Yes, I hit you a couple of times when we were together but I never would’ve touched you if you hadn’t made me so mad all the time.”
Spoken like a true abuser.
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She made you mad so that makes telling her to kill herself, wishing death upon her grandfather, and hitting her okay? You sound like a real class act Ryan. It is very apparent that you obviously have anger issues you need to get sorted out. There is no excuse for your actions. Grow up and take accountability for what you have done. I do not care what she did to make you mad there is NO EXCUSE for abusing someone. You are a textbook abuser smh.
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Ryan is truly a classy fella. He has tried to get in contact with me a few times since this letter has been posted only to threaten me more. He has been in court ordered anger management classes for sometime now, they obviously haven’t helped a bit. The best part is the type of things that I did to make him mad. I can very clearly remember the first time he ever laid a hand on me. It was after school when we were hanging out and he asked if we could go to the movies that weekend but I told him I had to do a group project for school with a couple of people (one of which was a boy). He then started to scream at me and accuse me of cheating because I was choosing to do this project with a boy in my class instead of go to the movies with him then he slapped me. Isn’t he a gem?
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Oh wow! Shelby, you’re certainly better off without this “man” (and I use that term very loosely) in your life.
Wishing you all the very best. X-
You really must be using that term very very loosely as he is the farthest thing from a man! I am so much better off without him!
I appreciate the well wishes. Wishing you the very best too!
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