This is not easy for me to write because it brings back so many old feelings. You were my first love. I was the first girl you brought home from college to meet your parents. You were the first guy and the only guy I had ever sat in the driveway talking to for hours until we decided to go back to your house. I thank God every day I had the opportunity to date you because I honestly thought I wouldn’t have had the chance after the night you got in that car with those drunk people. I thank God you were okay and that we were able to go through so many adventures together throughout the year we were together. It wasn’t even really a whole year but it felt like so much longer…
Things changed after a while… We changed too. Fighting started and thus began the second thoughts on our relationship. I decided to end things and did so because of the influence of other people. I wasn’t thinking straight. I thought for sure this was what I wanted. Weeks went by and I missed you. Things were better but then they got bad again so I ran away yet again and left you. I didn’t think, I just did it. I am good at running away.
It’s been almost 2 years since we dated and just this year I had finally begun to get over you. You’ve been with a new girl for quite some time and I used to see y’all all the time. For the first few months, it felt like someone was repeatedly kicking me in my stomach and I couldn’t breathe. I wondered, why her? I wondered if you ever thought about me. I wondered if you ever missed me when our song would come on the radio or when you would see my car drive by. These questions made me crazy. They made me want to talk to you to see if you still missed me even though you were with someone new.
The longer we were apart, and the longer you were with her, the more I realized that we were meant to be together but we just needed to have a little space from each other at times. We would always be together all day every day it seemed and I look back now and realize we just needed our space at times.
Things have happened with you and because I will always care about you, I texted you to check on you. Naturally, you had blocked me on almost everything because of your new girlfriend but luckily I was able to reach you. My simple text to show I cared ended up turning into a much more involved conversation than I had ever expected or planned. If you want to know the truth, I’m happy I messaged you and I’m happy we stayed up and talked all night (even if it’s wrong because you are still with her). But now I am sad. I am sad that I have the strongest connection with you and we can talk for hours but somehow never run out of things to talk about. All the old feelings came rushing back and now I’m in a state of confusion and disbelief. I don’t know how to bury these feelings again like I had before. I even moved away. I moved for many reasons but you were one of them. I don’t want to be there to hear about your engagement to her or to see y’all out. Before our most recent conversation that lasted all night, I would’ve been fine to hear you were marrying her or to see y’all out. But now…. I am back to missing you. I know this feeling will fade like it did before but I know the only way it will is if I don’t talk to you or see you again.
This is so hard for me because I just want us to be friends so badly. But the reality is, we can’t be. At least not anytime soon. I will refrain from messaging you anymore and I’m sorry for coming back into your life. Goodbye…. I wish you well.
And I will always be here for you, and I hope you would be there for me as well. I hope you’re okay. I hope you are happy. I hope you get everything you want in life.
your ex gf