All of the emotions I feel toward you are overwhelming. Hurt. Saddened. Disappointed. Angry. For some ridiculous reason, I still love you. And I hate myself for it. How can I love a person who was so careless and selfish with my feelings? We both agreed that we wanted to work through this. I don’t understand why you said it If you didn’t mean it. Why you kept saying you love me. Why you continued to be that support. Why the only thing you’d say in regards to the future was, “I can’t think about that right now due to my current financial situation”. Which made sense and I tried to help you with. I don’t understand why you weren’t upfront about not actually being serious. You made me think I wasn’t good enough. Couldn’t make you happy enough. Not attractive enough. Not worthy of your affection. Just a placeholder. A security blanket. Just someone to combat your loneliness with. Only giving just barely enough to make me think I had something to hold onto and look forward to. And it’s such a shitty feeling. I feel worthless and used as just someone to be there until you mapped out your next plan. I’m not sorry for having my freakouts and not being content with the situation. I was right in having them due to the continuous lackluster of what you were giving me. Any relationship completely void of affection will send anyone’s confidence to plummet. I was honest with you from start about my feelings. What I didn’t want/what I did want. Ultimately, you got exactly what you wanted. Something that was never going to amount to anything that made you comfortable in leaving. I dont know why I expected to ever be reassured, happy, move forward, or feel loved by such an emotionless fool. And I continue to kick myself for wanting to believe that my thoughts are false. And I kick myself harder for not focusing on the positives of what the end of this means. The end of the cold.
What you’ll never hear me say