I doubt you will ever see this, but I think this would help because I never had the courage to tell you a lot of things like I wanted to.
Going on 5 years now off and on. You’re in the back of my head with everything I do. I’ve tried moving on, but I can never. I’ve tried everything and you always seem to be the person I want no matter what. The first few months of us talking was something so special and different in ways I can’t explain. I’ve never had so much love and hate in my heart for someone as I do for you. One moment you lit up my entire life and another part of you made me hate you. People say they meet someone and it’s just not the right time. Well with you every time we try it doesn’t work out and when I really wanted to make it work you left and moved away without even telling me. After that decision I thought about myself and my emotions instead of worrying about everyone else for once. After you moved and didn’t feel the need to contact me until you wanted me when you were drunk I thought about how I should be treated. You treated me like shit. You always say you care about me, but do you really? If you love someone you don’t forget about them and make them sad because you’re unhappy with yourself. I know you loved me and I didn’t realize it until it was to late. There will always be apart of me that will remember you as my first love, my first heartbreak and the guy I chased and spent so many wasted years on. I don’t know if we’re supposed to be together but I will love you no matter what. I hope you find someone that brings you the happiness you deserve and helps you grow as a person.