Today is Easter Day and it’s drawing ever so nearer to the week that I dreaded for what seems such a long time. I miss you, immensely. Although, I’m not entirely sure what I miss. I feel sad not to have shared more memories with you today; with you and your family as I guess you spent the late morning/early afternoon with them like you do every Sunday after church. I miss being a part of your family.
I feel sick knowing that you’re spending so much time with HER! I imagine thats what’s happening now and that any thought about me is non-existent. It makes me feel sick to know that you’re probably growing closer again as the 1st week of May draws closer and I don’t know how I am going to cope with that week. I thought that being away from it all would be easier but it’s not. I hate knowing that I’m not the one you want to be with but at the same time, my mind is telling me why do I even miss you? Why do I even care? You didn’t give me much to miss really. I think I miss what wasn’t there but longed for the whole time we were together.
It gives me hope to think that one day I will meet someone who truly loves me and who makes me feel like I am the only one they want. Right now, it makes me feel sick that that person will be anyone but you. And I know that now is not the right time to let anyone in my life as I’ll always think, “Why couldn’t he love me like this person does?”
I can’t change anything and I hate how you’re both everywhere. I can’t wait to not care anymore. I can’t wait till you’re nothing more than just a memory.
I miss you and love you more than you will ever know.