A black hole is constantly eating me. Right when I think that it’s over it then starts chewing on my remains, when the remains are consumed it keeps chewing on the remains of the remains. I am immortal. I don’t die, I don’t disappear, I keep existing, I witness everything, I go through it all. The time is paused. I am trapped in this period as much as I am trapped between the teeth. They keep grinding on me. I don’t resist. They all have names that I don’t care about. The biggest, sharpest one is called “a lie”. It’s poisonous. When it goes deep, it burns.
After all this time, it still burns.
It burns. I can’t tell anyone. It still burns. No one knows. It burns. And I’m alone in it. And it really hurts. It hurts.
Acceptance has come already. I did surrender to the hole and to all its teeth. Surrendered to the fact that it will hurt until it won’t. Funny thing is life. Sometimes, you take a risk then it blows at your face. You climb on a rope then it breaks. Risky. Letting someone in is risky. You know someone, then you don’t. Love, is risky. Didn’t I know better? Loving you was a great risk taken to begin with. I took, then it blew on my face. The rope is broken. I fell. I am trapped now. The hole is chewing on me.
I would take you back. That fact hurts more than the lie itself. What a fool I am. But also, what a fool you are. What a foolish lie that yours was. What a foolish way to end things. What were you thinking? I want no revenge but I hope that the black hole which chews on me eats your buttocks as whole. You would make a nice dessert.
In this letter that you will never see, I can’t admit missing you. Seems like I got some self respect after all. Good for both of us, I won’t jump into your arms when you crawl out of the hole you ran in then.
But do come back already. Hasn’t enough time passed? I look forward turning your life into hell for leaving just like that. Neither does time turn my heart into stone nor do I forget. The teeth keep biting however and the lie cuts deep. Meaning, I suffer. Meaning, you can stop it.
Meaning, stop it.