Damaged still

Damaged still

Damaged still

Dear Levi,
I’ve been with her for almost a year now. i love her to death and i am truly glad we broke up. however, i constantly catch myself wishing we hadn’t even dated. i catch myself wishing i could message you and get some closure, think that maybe this time you could be mature about it (i really doubt it, you’re such a child)

I want you to know how badly you damaged me. I can barely tell her anything going on in my head. i cry silently for 30+ minutes before asking her for help. you used to say you hated my abusive ex, but honestly you hurt me worse than he did. you’ve left this lasting trauma in my brain and i don’t know if it’ll ever get better. i trust her, but my brain says not to trust her with breakdowns and my feelings because i trusted you, and you just made me feel like shit. i trusted you, and you cheated on me 5 times that i know of. i trusted you, and you got me hooked on hard drugs, then blamed it all on me. when you told me to move for my safety, i did, and then you guilted me about it.

I don’t know if i’ll ever be okay from this. it makes my heart hurt, makes me want to cry and throw up at the same time, to talk about this. you promised you loved me and we were engaged, we were set to move in and marry and have kids. recently, i decided to buy her a promise ring, but because of you i’m seriously second guessing. what if i buy someone i love even more than you something expensive to show her i really care, and she leaves me in the dust without a second glance just like you? what if she broke off our engagement by ghosting me for days to be with someone else, like you did? you’ve scarred me, and i’m so fucking scared of living my life now.

I don’t have much anger in my heart for anyone, i’m all about love. but you? i hate you so much. you’re a horrible human being and i do honestly wish you never came into my life levi. i’ve kept track of your facebook, all i can say is i hope getting engaged to a new girl every few months ends with one of them gaslighting you and lying to you as much as you did to me.

sincerely, Ares

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