Everything i wish i could tell you

Everything i wish i could tell you

Everything i wish i could tell you

Dear H, maybe this letter will find it’s way to you… maybe it won’t, i don’t know which of these options i’d prefer. 

either way, i love you… i’m always going to love you. you were my first. my first love & my first heartbreak. i know we still talk and i know you have a girlfriend now… i want you to know that i see it. i see the look in your eyes when you talk to her, i recognise it well. i see why you love her. every laugh, every kind gesture, the look in her eyes when she looks at you. she loves you, deeply… you’re lucky. 

do you see me? i know we don’t make eye contact anymore… maybe it’s too much, maybe you’re scared of feeling something again… like i know you did that night on the steps. 

the worst and best days of my life are tangled up in the 4 years we spent together. i can’t forget you… i don’t want to. 

as i’m getting deeper into this letter, i’ve lost track of why i’m writing it… whist i’m sat here with tear stained eyes, i still know that i believe in soul mates. i truly believe that you’re mine. i look into your eyes and i feel infinite… i’ve never felt a connection like it. i know that i’ve known you before. 

i often wonder if we made it in a past life… if we grew old together and fought over the last biscuit. i also wonder if we’ll make it in the next. i’d like to think we would… if the universe gives us another chance. 

i know she gives you what you need right now… and it brings me peace to see that smile, to hear that laugh again. if she’s your person in this life, i can only hope that i’m your person in the next. until then my love, i wish you nothing but happiness. 

~ B x

(you’ll always be the Ross to my Rachel)


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