To you

To C. 
I can’t get over the way you made me feel. I don’t think that you understand the pain I have been out through. The way I felt when I was with you in your arms. I felt as tho I could re live it over and over and over again. I know you were only my first boyfriend but I cannot get over you. I can still taste you, your tongue in my mouth, the taste of chicken nuggets out of your McDonald sharing box.
My mum always told me that there will be multiple boys as I grow up, but that isn’t what I want, I don’t want lots of heart breaks, I want you. At times I wonder whether it was my fault that you broke up with me, whether I wasn’t good enough or pretty enough. Or perhaps maybe you weren’t over your ex. These are things I am yet to understand. I don’t feel as if we are separated  as I still have such strong emotions for you. I felt things I didn’t know were possible to feel.
I can’t help but wonder whether you have moved on. Whether you felt normal in an instant as if we hadn’t even met. I still find myself looking through past messages, the nostalgia drains through me. The feeling when I scroll through my camera roll and find that you are still there. I want you to be here with me as I love you. I hope that maybe you can realise one day how much of a mistake you made, and how much I cared for you, the effort I made. 
It isn’t until I see other people experiencing the joy of being in relationships I realise how much I am missing out on, how much my heart has been trampled on, how much I still care about you. 
I do however thank you for giving me the experience I have gained. My first everything, even first KFC. I still cherish these moments and will never forget them.
Lots of Love from E


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