I was shown a few things when I had the urge to backtrack and see what the hell it is, I am doing here and for what…. What do you mean you ask?!… The way you feel so damn confused and your judgment is clouded. It scares me just as much as it scares you. You set it aside not understanding why you’re stuck and walk away. Thinking maybe that was the best solution to the problem. To let go of holding on and flow with the currents. I didn’t get it either.
What came to mind is my favorite movie in place of the symbol behind the scenes that sticks to me like glue. My first one of all time is, What Dreams May Come. When Robin William’s character travels to hell to find his wife Anne. She commits suicide in reality because she lost her family to random deaths. Robin’s character felt his wife so intuitively, that he knew no matter how deep into hell Anne placed herself in. He would find her telepathically through memories. Once he did, he played her game and decided to stay in hell with her. He was sacrificing his soul to release her back to heaven to live with their children. Love made her remember while he started to lose his memory and become part of hell.
This all came together for me while processing my past. I reflected on their love story and felt that I’d already experienced Anne’s painful path of destruction. I had my “Dark Night of the Soul” moment. I’ve been on both sides of the fence now and have more clarity. I am that light trying to shine bright to find “you”. To remind you what I am doing here. Why do I feel that connection to you so intensely and want you so much?! But you’re too conflicted to understand your own desires?
So, I’d like to think I’m playing Robin’s character now and you’re Anne. You’re stuck in your prison, and I’m finally getting out of mine. I know who you are! I know how to speak to you, and this is why I’ve been writing these letters this whole time. Before I ever met you, I kept writing regardless of my circumstances. I always made you a part of my life. To remind you of who you are to me. What you’re worth. How to find your way back to God and to grow with me while you do it. Let my struggles teach you how to find your own path to self-love while understanding how I found mine. I never lived a day without you in my mind guiding me with your wisdom. I reached out telepathically to feel you near me. No matter if we were apart or together, I know your energy, when I finally found it, it made me want to resist you out of fear. I had to read my own letters to remind myself what I was doing subconsciously. I had to find myself all over again. I kept writing and moving forward and it showed me my patterns and each time I turned back to them, I received a different message hiding behind my words. I may not understand why I do things the way I do, but I listen to my heart and follow what it leads me towards accomplishing. I want to break the toxic cycle of my patterns for good. I feel like I’m ready to move forward into a new chapter in my life.
In my madness, I had this awareness hiding inside me the whole time. This is my test and for whatever reason, you need to pass yours. I can’t make the decision for you. I’m already head underwater and all I have left is my hand sticking above the surface. I can’t tell you any further, what this is about, I’m not supposed to. Now the choice is up to you.
What do you want most in this life to accomplish?
Who do you want to walk that path with God together?
What will make you happy?
I’ve been through hell enough times. I know the cycle and I’m tired of it. I choose peace. I want to love. I am deserving of all forms of love with “you”. You just have to believe in it too. The veil will come off. I want to slowly tell you everything I know and share my past in order for you to grow along with me and rediscover yourself. I get it now. I want you to allow me to show you what it is I see. I see…“You”. Please look within and find what it is you’re hiding away so deeply and let me in. I love you. God crossed our paths for a reason, please give me that chance to explain myself by allowing me your time and trust. Let me guide you to the light through my letters and bring you out of that sea of darkness.
I love you,