I know we were never really together

I know we were never really together

I know we were never really together

I’m sorry I can’t be okay with just a casual relationship and I’m sorry I caught feelings. 

I hate my mind, I feel like I already see you as someone serious in my life when I shouldn’t and sometimes it hurts seeing you be not as affectionate or unresponsive, which I know is irrational since we’ve already talked about it. 

It sounds stupid and unhealthy but I feel like talking to you, hearing your voice and all that gives me something to look forward to which isn’t good considering the fact that you said this isn’t serious. 

It’s hard because I like you a lot and you’ve said you liked me the same but it’s so hard to tell sometimes based on how you talk to me and express affection, and I don’t wanna be clingy especially since we’re not actually together but it does make me a bit upset and it’s hard to lower my expectations on that. 

Maybe I’m just in a really stressed place right now. Maybe I just want someone to latch on to and cry with and tell them that I love them. Maybe I need that connection with my friends instead but I just keep wanting to say that I love you, but I can’t. You’ve never really felt the same about me, I can tell by the way you act. 

I’m sick of crying over you, I’m sick of losing sleep and time over you
I want it to all be over but it’s like I can’t let go. I want you in my life as my boyfriend but you said clearly that you can’t, yet you also say you really like me and think I’m an amazing person. 
What do you get out of this all? What’s so appealing about this ? I don’t want to sound insane but I would love to label us or define us. I want to date you, I want to be together with you but I don’t want it through an ultimatum. 

Sometimes I just want to quit and end things, this is too painful for me but at the same time, the times we laughed together and times we share sustain me and give me something to look forward to. 

I’m sorry and I can say with confidence that I love you.


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