It’s extremely hard to let go

It’s extremely hard to let go

It’s extremely hard to let go

Heyyyy Alyssa lol. I don’t know whether or not you’ll see this but I sure hope you do.. I’m not able to tell you what I want to tell you anymore since we’re in no contact and all (sucks but whatever).. I wish I came up to you sooner at school, I wish people didn’t get between us, I wish I cherished our moments better, I wish I can tell you how much I’m sorry for making you feel like I may not have wanted you.. that was far from the truth, I wanted you and I still do. Yes, I was going through shit mentally but I now know it was no excuse to push you away.. I had you by my side to help and I rarely went to you, I know that was making you feel shitty and I’m sorry..

Never again will I ever do such to you if you decide to come back again. You mean so much to me, I don’t think you’ll ever realize truly. A year we’ve dated, a year that felt longer than so.. we’ve talked about getting an apartment, the things we’ll go out and do, etc. Damn, I miss it and I miss you. You were never someone I wanted to leave behind, I never wanted to leave you alone, I wanted to be by you.. help you, love you but I know my actions would tell the complete opposite.

The long distance was killing me also and I guess it made me feel weird you know??? Just like how it did you, and I understand. I just wished we could’ve got through that, although I knew it was hurting me that we were long distance (because we weren’t at one point) I knew deep down if we just stick through this with one another it’ll change and I guess this is what it was really all about, long distance.. not wanting to feel lonely, and I know I made it worse by being soooo distance. I can really only blame myself. I fucked up bad.. 

I love you so much, and I know I’ll have to move on but I can’t help but think how if that one person didn’t make you move away, we’ll still be together striving, none of the shit that happened would’ve transpired.. and that is why I know our chapter has been cut short, it was NEVER supposed to end this way, it was wasn’t supposed to be finished written already.. there’s more, and I know it is. You’ve impacted my life greatly baby. You’ve did, you’ve made me so happy, I found someone who could understand me, I found someone who I can understand and goddamnit it’s hard to find that.

But to end this off because I know this is really long, I’m sorry for being a dick at times you know? Like with my sarcasm and stuff. 
I’m sorry for not giving the attention you deserved, you deserve it all, everything.
I love you beautiful 


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