Dear J

When you texted me on NYE, I was surprised. I did not expect you to text me again. I had made peace with that. After spending the previous months feeling low, depressed and numb, stalking you on social media, seeking help from therapists and friends, I was finally getting over you – just how I should have done the first time round.

A part of me was excited to see what you had written but a bigger part of me wish you hadn’t texted at all. I read your text and cried. Why did you write to me? It felt like I was making progress, and in that moment it was all undone. I was sad all over again. Reminded by the rejection, failure shame and embarrassment of our relationship. Why after 7 weeks of silence did you text me on NYE of all days. Why did you get to end it all over again on your last day of 2023, whilst I felt that pain continue into the new year. You are an idiot and I hope one day I truly feel how ordinary you are. Because right now, a part of me longs for you.

You will never know the emotional turmoil you caused me. I hope you never hurt someone else like that again – no one deserves that. Only a suffering soul can inflict that kind of pain to another. The love and care I gave to you, should have been given to me and others who truly matter. I hope the feeling I have for you: good and bad, become neutral one day. And, I wish you all the best too.


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