Looking back, our two year relationship was all really cliché: You were Prom King and I was your Queen, you were captain of the football team and together we built an non-governmental organization together. Our relationship was respected by our teachers, our parents, our friends as it was regarded as mature.
I thought it was pretty mature… It seems stupid now.
I remember that I was overly excited when I first got my rain boots. You saw my smile and my giggles and you led me out of the house and we went for a walk under the drizzle. The walk consisted of you walking by me, pointing at puddles and holding my hand as I jumped in every single one them in my brand new boots.
I remember when I wasn’t feeling well and we would both wrap ourselves in blankets in front of the T.V (with tea of course) and we would just lay there, in “Burrito-mode” for the entire afternoon.
I remember when you used to tickle me just so you could see me smile but also to hear my quirky laugh that amused you so.
We held on strong but times got hard, college applications were being filled and our future remained unspoken. We stressed as we got our acceptances and rejections. You felt the pressure the most and you distanced yourself from me. We started fighting, ugly fights, the kind where the door slams but you stopped coming back a few minutes later to apologize and to tell me you love me.
I think that’s why you slept with her.
I was a reminder of a future that seemed so solid, too solid – one that left no space for exploration and curiosity.
I was a book you had read too many times;I had a bent spine and torn pages.
Her binding was impressive and her cover was luring and you turned her pages, you read and inhaled her words…
All while I sat on the shelf, gathering dust, waiting for you to pick me up again.
I can’t forgive you for keeping it from me. For letting me blindly hold your had as we got to college, ready to build our life together. You broke up with me, five days in, but begged for me back three weeks later.
Even though it took me several months, I was going to let you take me back but then I found out…
I found out that our relationship was not as mature as everyone thought.
I found out, 6 months after it had happened, that you slept with that whore.
You begged for me back, apologizing for your lack of self-control, promising me that you will grow to one day be worthy of me.
M, Baby, you will never be worthy of me.