This is how Fuckboys are made

This is how Fuckboys are made

This is how Fuckboys are made

LTME-postBefore we started talking, I was never really the person to rely on others because my whole life I had to fend for myself. Somewhere along the way you changed that, you changed what I considered love, family, and happiness. You molded me into this person that doesn’t fit into a life without you, you then proceeded to leave me. It never really clicks for me how you could leave me though, I was a good boyfriend and I was incredibly supportive. Before we began dating you had no confidence in your self and you put yourself down a lot, I worked tirelessly to change the way you perceived yourself and I succeeded. I made sure you always heard you were beautiful and important, always made sure you were doing ok and nothing was bothering you. I may have slacked in some areas and I do regret that but you can never say I wasn’t the ideal boyfriend. So when you left me for this other guy, this guy no one really likes (for obvious reasons) it destroyed every bit of everything inside me. I don’t mean that just as in hey I was heartbroken, I mean that literally. My body shut down, I couldn’t sleep, eat, think, breathe properly. You would always tell me, “Nick if we ever breakup I want you to be my friend forever.” This is something I was always very adamant on, i knew I wanted you in my life as much as humanly possible. So when you recently told me you can’t talk to me anymore because the new guy worries too much about it, that erupted a fire inside me. You said he doesn’t deserve to stress about it, but did I? Am I deserving of all of the nights I am up crying, of all of the nights I don’t know what to do with myself because I had no one to talk to, all of the nights I lay awake 4 hours past the time I should be asleep thinking about why this happened to me? How about the days when I was sitting in a crowded room and I broke down? All the times I cried in front of people who have never seen anything but a smile on my face. Or those nights when I think that there’s no other way out for me besides ending my life. All of the times I’ve came close to just ending my existence because I don’t want to continue without you. No. No no no. I don’t deserve that, I was the most kind you will ever see in a situation like this. I never talked bad about you, never said all the mean things I’ve wanted to, or said anything to him. Well I’m changing now, I’m done being the person who gets walked on when he is nice. This is your fault, you are to blame for what’s coming next. This serene rage inside of me is slowly building, something I fight with everyday. You have created a monster and I can’t keep it caged, you have destroyed a person’s only way of existing and I have found a new way to exist. You will never understand how you hurt me, and even with the pain I feel there is no anger towards you. If you wanted me back today, I wouldn’t think twice about it. That’s how willing I am to overlook all of this. You just can’t seem to notice when someone is willing to forgive you when you hurt them on such a level, that’s the person you cherish and hold onto. That’s the person who will move mountains to be with you.

3 Comments

  1. jared 3 years ago

    amen

  2. Adam sookoo 9 months ago

    Bud very well said us should be an author of a book or somthing idk man but ur intelligent…..this helps me alot and I appreciate it thanks….

  3. McQueen 3 months ago

    This is bad. It screams anxious attachment and co-dependence. I don’t say that to be mean, but this is not a healthy state to be in and blaming your ex for your issues is not the Avenue to healing.

    If you relate to this, you please seek help. the author is relying on Another person for warmth and validation. People like don’t achieve happiness bc they lose themselves in relationships and then end up like this when it’s over.

    Please get help.

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