Hey mister,
I know you won’t find this and this letter isn’t like the others because I have you in my life.  What happened between us was awful though, right ? We started a relationship that was meant to end because I was still in love with some else. Or I thought it was love, I gave everything to this person who lied and manipulated me. But you helped me get out, you held me and helped me be someone I didn’t even know I was.  

I remember the day I knew I found someone special.  It was a fall day like this, we were in you room and fell asleep.  We fit like two puzzle pieces together, I felt safe in your arms and it felt like home. That moment to me was the first moment I felt love. A genuine honest love that I got scared of, I didn’t think I deserved it.  So when the ex  who hurt me came back, I tried to be with him.  Because how could someone like you really love someone like me ?

I’m so awful in a lot of ways.  When my toxic ex did what he does best, break me down and leave.  He had someone I didn’t know about and was just using me.  It hurt and I was at my lowest point, but you did something I never thought you would do.  You gave me a hug and told me it would be okay.  I thought you would hate me, I thought after our break up you would just laugh and turn away from me.  But all you did was save me again.

Today you call me your friend, and I couldn’t ask for more though sometimes I want to.  I’m such an awful selfish thing, but some how you love me in more ways than one.  You look out for me and help me. I wish I can tell you I’m sorry, I wish it would mean something to you.  But I know what you want is for us to move forward. To be friends and forget what we had because it was painful.  

But I love you very much M, and if you don’t want more than my friendship then I will just give you that.  Anything you ask of me I will do. Because I don’t think I can ever deserve what you’ve done for me. Not right now, but I won’t give up trying until I do. I’m sorry for what I did, and ruining something  that we had, and thank you for loving me and showing me what that means.