You were awful to me

You were awful to me

You were awful to me

I don’t wish you well Kerrigan. I did everything for you. Anything and everything you ever wanted I did. I tried my best for you, was always there for you and I loved you more than I loved myself and family. I dropped my friends and family for you. You treated me like shit when the only thing I ever gave you was love, happiness and the best part of your life. I was always there for you 24/7 I left places and didn’t go out for you. I wish I could tell you all this right now but I can’t bring myself to send you this. I loved you so much I was only 16 and 17 and you screwed me up worse than anything I’ve had to go through my parents and all the abuse I went through. You manipulated me to the point where I didn’t even wanna be alive but I thought that was normal in a relationship. 

Everything was good at the beginning you actually loved me and cared about me. I remember those times when we went to heritage, you visited me at work to make me happier, how you would comfort me when I was upset, how you well were you. I miss that part of you Kerrigan you changed about around your 18th birthday. Do you remember? Well I sure as hell do. Let’s talk about that some. Remember how you told me your ex fwb was your best friend and you could never drop him. Yeah I dropped all my girl friends for you because they made you upset but whenever I asked you to not be as touchy or talk to him as much because he loved you you fucking yelled at me and manipulated me.

You are a narcissist asshole I hope you know that. Every time I brought it up in our entire relationship you hated it or when you lied to me go hangout with guys who wanted to have sex with you and told me you were at work. That’s a whole different low Kerrigan. I only found out because your fucking friends told me where you were. Also whenever I told you to let me know if you were gonna leave early and let me know when you’re home safe you called me controlling. That’s not fucking controlling I just wanted to make sure you were safe and where you were if an accident happened but yeah ig that’s controlling. I always told you what I was doing, who I was with, where I was at because if I didn’t you’d get all upset and “depressed” because I was the bad guy for not saying anything but I’m the bad guy right? Yeah I totally get how I’m the bad guy even tho you were the one that cheated on me for months with multiple guys. Yeah it was your friends who sent me photos, videos and texted me what you did. I should have never even given you a chance I gave you so many because I thought everything you did was normal in a healthy relationship. 

Let’s flash back to my junior military ball January  21, 2022. Remember how we went together? I bet you didn’t because you ignored me the entire time to hangout with your ex fwb. Your excuse was so shitty too. “I just want to enjoy my senior military ball. It’s my last” yeah but you could’ve hung out with your fucking boyfriend at least could’ve danced with me or talked to me but no that’s way to much to ask for and when I did you blew up in my face. Thank you for that it really helped my mental status. I didn’t even enjoy myself there all I wanted was to leave but I was your ride and I didn’t wanna ditch you because that’s shitty to do. Then at the party we went to after mil ball you ignored me again for your ex fwb and when I tired to talk to you I got yelled  and pushed away and then on the ride home you acted like you were sorry and tried to apologize but I didn’t care anymore I was so upset I didn’t even know how I felt about you anymore but I stayed dating you because he was your best friend. 

Now let’s talk about my junior prom May 20, 2022. I bet you remember this well. I mean everyone else does so I know you do. You asked me to go as your date to your school which I was so excited for. I had never been to prom and I was going with my gf life couldn’t get better. You went with me to color match my tux to you dress you chose everything I wore from the shoes all the way to the pocket square. It was perfect you loved everything about it. Then 3 days before prom you told me you don’t wanna go as a date anymore because you said “I wanna enjoy my senior prom. It’s my last and only one.” Yeah huge dick move there.

I still went to prom because I’m not gonna waste $300 on a tux and not wear it once. So I went waited in the parking lot for a hour and a half for you to show up. While i was waiting you posted on your story of you with 3 different guys at a restaurant then a picture of you in a limo with them. That you all rented way before prom even happened. When you finally showed up you walked about with those boys and I about started crying. We finally went inside and as soon as we checked in you ditched me alone with people from a school I don’t even know. I knew maybe 5 people at most there.

I was at prom for 30 fucking minutes and that’s when I saw you with those same guys and they were grinding on touching all over you and you let that shit happen. You didn’t know I saw, but I did. When I walked with tears in my eyes and said “I’m done I can’t do this anymore I’m leaving” all you had to say was “idk what to tell you. Just go home idc” those words made my heart shatter. I went out to my car holding back tears and when I finally got into my car I sat there hyperventilating, puking and crying for 2 hours. I barely made it back home without crashing because I couldn’t see.

I didn’t even go to after prom which looked so much fun. Ik you remembered where you went after prom. You went to a party where you proceeded to cheat on me with one of the guys. I got photos of it. You were sitting on his lap making out with him. Yeah that made everything way worse. Idk how one human can do something like this to another. That night I knew everything was over. I realized all the signs I was blind to because I thought it was love. It wasn’t, that was pure manipulation and mental abuse. I wasn’t able to be at school for a week because I was so physically sick and couldn’t stop crying. I thought about ending my life but I needed to stay I can’t be a dead best friend or brother. They need me. That’s the only reason I stayed on this earth. I hope you feel great about that. We gave each others shit back a few days later and i said that’s it never again will I talk to her. I missed all my finals because I couldn’t focus or be not crying long enough to take them. 

How about the rotc holiday world trip June 2, 2022. We both went but not with each other or with any intentions of talking. Well I sure didn’t I avoided you the best I could so I wouldn’t see you and start crying. You decided to stare at me and try and be close to me. Yeah I noticed how much you kept staring at me. It hurt me I was on the verge of tears while trying to have fun with my friends. Then at the end when we went to leave you kept standing right behind me, next to me and talked right there so i would know you’re there. That made my stomach drop and I felt sick the entire way back home. I went home upset and just wanted to sleep it off and hopefully forget about everything but you FaceTimed me and FaceTimed me and when I didn’t answer you texted me to answer but I didn’t. Then you started talking about how much you missed me, was sorry, we should talk again and not tell anyone, you also wanted to start over from the beginning.

I gave in because I was still weak and loved you so I answered your FaceTime call. We talked all night and stayed on while asleep. That night I finally felt okay again talking to you because I missed you so much. We talked for a few days and you even sent me photos of you in your cap and gown the day you graduated. You looked so pretty and I wished things worked out with us. Then you stopped talking to me again because you started dating one of the guys you cheated on me with for months. That broke me even more I was more screwed up than I was trying to get over you.

Funny enough you cheated on him in the first month y’all were dating. I found enjoyment out of that knowing I wasn’t the only one screwed over by you. He really thought you were something even after he saw what you did to me thinking it wouldn’t happen to him. Then you started dating the guy you cheated on him with. I think you guys have been together since but idc I haven’t been trying to keep up or see it. I’m still hurt and trying to get over everything. I still love you but I can’t do that to myself again I can’t even bring myself to text you.

You just turned 19 and I wanted to text you happy birthday all day but I stayed strong and didn’t. I was high 24/7 trying to forget you but I realized that won’t help me heal and that’s a bad way to cope. I’m sober and getting over you more and more everyday. I still see how you stalk me on TikTok and ask my friends about me. If you still cared you could send a text or ask me myself but id tell you to go fuck yourself and block you. I loved you more than my life. I just wish everything could’ve worked out with us. Fuck you Kerrigan I loved you more than anyone ever can.


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