Sisimulan ko kung saan nagsimula ang lahat, we were in 7th Grade. Hindi dapat tayo magkasection no’n but umalis yung adviser niyo so.. Napunta ka sa amin, destiny found its way for me to meet you. I don’t really know kung saan, paano at kailan tayo unang nagkausap. What’s fresh on my mind is nung tinanong kita at the time kung aattend ka ba ng Acquantance Party, ang random ‘di ba?. That was around July. Anyway.. You said “no”. I wanted you to go tbh, feeling ko around that time nagsisimula na akong magkagusto sa’yo.
Let’s talk about how we got close. Sa simbahan. First Friday mass. Around 8 – 9 am. I know na hinding-hindi mo makakalimutan ‘tong istoryang ‘to because you told me so. I was assigned na bantayan ka, idk if maingay ka, magulo or what. Peace officer duties si ate niyo. Believe it or not, my mind is still fresh on what happened that morning. We had taken our seats at the chairs in the middle, tapat ng malaking ceiling fan sa simbahan. Nasa likod natin si.. Alam mo na kung sino ‘yon. We were just goofing around, laughing so hard to the point na hindi na tayo makahinga. It was one of the happiest high school memories that I’ll treasure my whole life. Every time na pupunta ako sa simbahan at titingin ako sa place na pinagupuan natin, I remember those times.. I remember how happy I am to be with you.
So ayon.. Naging close tayo, naging magkaibigan. I remember how I used to pinch your nipples everytime na magkakasalubong tayo, and I know na you hated me doing that. It was fun being friends with you. Hanggang sa isang araw, I realized na I’m catching feelings for my best friend. So.. I ignored you, I know you were hurt and I’m still sorry. Hanggang sa inamin ko kung ano talaga nararamdaman ko sa’yo, and you were also feeling the same way. Hanggang sa niligawan mo ako and sinagot kita. I officially had my first love on August 15, 2019. And that was you, Rhain. I was the happiest girl, the happiest. You loved me unconditionally, you loved me way more than I loved you before. You were the first boy who made me feel what actual love feels like, you were the first boy na naka jailbooth ko and nakasayaw sa dance booth habang naka blindfold. I can still see us dancing with blindfolds on habang nakapaligid sa atin yung mga kaibigan natin and still hearing your kuya’s voice when she saw us “hoy kapatid ko ‘yan! Hoy kapatid ko ‘yan!” still makes me laugh. We broke up on October 22, 2019, we created love for 2 months. I’m sorry for being immature at the time, I mean.. I’m still a kid, we were 13 at the time and I didn’t know anything about romantic relationships, and it was my first time falling in love. All I know is to love you. And that’s enough for me. So I was wrong and the one to blame kung bakit tayo naghiwalay, and I’m forever sorry because you dealt with someone like me.
But I know our love for each other didn’t end there. Kahit na nagkaroon na tayo ng relationships we still find our way back to each other. Nagduduo tayo sa valorant, we still chat, we lowkey flirt in chat, to be exact. We could’ve actually got each other back pero takot tayong mag commit. Maguusap hanggang 6am, magkwkwentuhan, magkukulitan, magaasaran and then the next day wala nanaman. Parang nagdidisappear tayo sa mundo ng isa’t isa. As time goes by, this kind of situation keeps going on and on. It got tiring and hard, kase hindi natin alam kung itutuloy pa ba ‘to, kung may chance pa ba na maging tayo ulit or nagsasayang lang tayo ng panahon. This is probably the reason why I can’t move on for you even though it’s been 3 years already. Because I know, deep down in my heart that we still have that love for each other, so I waited for you to come back. But It didn’t happen.
I prayed, I prayed to God to give me a sign if we should stop na ba or not. Until one night on December 19, 2022, you asked me if nahihirapan o napapagod na ba ako sa situation natin. I answered “yes”. I also asked you, and your response was the same as mine. Alam kong eto na ‘yon, na hanggang dito na lang talaga tayo, na eto na yung heartbreak na sisira sa akin, sa atin. Eto na yung point na mawawala ka na talaga sa buhay ko. You told me to focus and love myself. You told me na hindi worth it yung paghihintay ko sa’yo. So I let you go. But I know, deep down in my heart, that you’ve always been the type of person who’s worth waiting for. I just wish you see yourself the way I see you. You’re the type of person na I am always willing to wait for kahit anong consequences pa ‘yan. Because I know, na my love for you is true and genuine. I’m sorry kung hindi ko nasabi sa’yo ‘to, maybe one day I will. So if you think na pumayag na lang akong itapon ang lahat ng pinagsamahan natin. No, hindi. Minahal kita, I still do as I’m writing this letter.
A part of me wishes you to never see this so we can truly heal, a part of me does so I can convey what I truly feel about everything. Maybe one day we’ll meet and I’ll get to express how difficult it felt and I’ll be able to tell you how I’m over you and how I really wish things would’ve worked out between the two of us. I’ve been putting off writing this letter for so long because I know that this will be me closing our chapter, putting a dot to the last line of the book knowing that this will be the last time that I can write to you and call you my first love, my baby boy. My heart will always have a soft spot for you and I hope that we both find love that is greater, because that’s what we both deserve. Goodbye, and I hope to see you in my next lifetime wearing the bracelet I gave you that symbolizes my love for you, forever.